Am I responsible for the situation in India?

Yes.

Bomb blasts in India can be attributed to the distrust between Hindus and Muslims. I do feel proud to be an Indian but I’m ashamed when a bomb goes off, people die and nobody is accountable. If I trace the history of communal violence in India, it goes deep into the past. But I felt the vice of violence in 1991/1992 when I was in school. I still remember that day when somebody in school told me about the massive bomb blast in Bombay (now Mumbai). When I was on my way back from school, I saw black smoke and I was so very worried about my mother. At the age 12, I could not really understand the geographical distance between Mumbai and Rourkela, but I was extremely worried. I was relieved to find that the black smoke was from a massive fire at a depot quite far from my home. What preceded that incident was the demolition of Babri Masjid. That was one of the most shameful incidents in India’s history. We can’t undo historical mistakes by pulling down a mosque. If we commit the same mistake then we are in the same boat with the past perpetrators. Now how am I responsible for demolition of Babri Masjid?

I did not protest when Advani was running around in his ‘rath’ trying to be Mr. Ram of Ramayan fame. I could not remember whether he had the arrows and bow with him. I did not exercise my vote. As usual I showed my helplessness in the face of communal force. It is not only Deb that committed this but millions of cowards like Deb did. Millions of Indians don’t exercise their vote. People who vote are those who dance to the tune of 100 rupees, a girl for 1 hr and a bottle. What can we expect to get out of this kind of voting exercise? If 100 rupees, free sex and a bottle decide our future, then we certainly have bomb blasts, riots and gang rape of a nun in our horoscope. We can’t run away from it. Let’s accept our part for the failure of India. Only when we accept and realize, we can grow up and go beyond.

I talk a lot about corruption. But do I have moral right to talk? Let me scan my past. As bulk of my working life has been outside India I did not have the necessity to bribe. But last year when I needed something urgently, I had to bribe. The job that would have taken 60 days was done in less than 6 hours. When we talk about bribe we see one side of the coin. We always blame politicians, bureaucrats and police. But we forget that we are party to it. We pay and that’s why somebody gets it. If we all vow not to pay bribe we can erase bribery. Is not it simple? We always complain about corruption but we fail to realize our part in it.

I always know that every grand achievement has a humble beginning. The other day a guy asked me how can my vote (a single vote) can change the system. And my answer was ‘Had Gandhi thought in similar lines, we would not have achieved our independence’. Everything starts with an individual. A single step in right direction is like a magnet that pulls others. But if I look at my life I don’t think I’ve walked my talk. I’m an escapist. I chose the easy way and I escaped India. But can I really escape? I’m not a person to party hard on weekend, chase my career during weekdays and forget my home. How can I disassociate myself from the place where I’ve my near and dears? How can I cut the chord? Exchanging passport is easy but dissociating self is impossible. I can’t erase 20 years of history. I can’t adapt to a culture that is so alien. I could wear a mask but I can’t change my face. Had I wanted, I could have washed my hands off my blue passport long time back. But I can’t be an escapist for ever. I can’t run away and hide in Oz. I talk of change and I have not initiated it. So the bottom line is that I have to align my walk with my talk.

But I think I’ve taken a step in the right direction with my decision for MBA from India and my post-MBA plans. I don’t know where I’m heading. I don’t doubt my ability but I always suspect my ability to bend and twist the rules and regulations to get the things done. I’ll give my best try to achieve my goal without bending, twisting and paying bribe. I don’t think I’ll fail. If I fail and I realize that Indian system/society is the reason then I’ll accept my defeat and exchange my passport and wear another mask.